BlogWorld Expo (aka the New Mexico debacle and Lotion Party extravaganza)

I spent the past three days at BlogWorld, where I submerged myself in the icy awesomeness of Las Vegas. This weekend's greatness defined:

Bloggers, agents and booze; lotion parties but no booth bunnies; Floyd Mayweather Jr. and his huge wad of cash at the club; early a.m. keynote speeches, attended by whom, I don't know; three panels sponsored by Yardbarker; free video games at the Yardbarker booth; JE Skeets and the magical $2 bill; Matt Sussman from Deadspin and about 87 other blogs; Enrico from The 700 Level; Brooks from SPORTSbyBROOKS; Tuffy from Deadspin and SPORTSbyBROOKS; Drew Curtis from Fark; National Football Post; Cover It Live; Prolebrity; Kyle Harrison along with his teammate and my childhood friend, Brad Reppert; Georgia covering the spread against Arizona State; the money machine, which netted me a cool $27; Ben Koo on Beast Mode with his handful of stories that unfortunately are not safe for the Internet; the cute woman who gave us a ride in her limo and followed that with an open bar on Friday night; the Ravens demolishing the Browns to take sole possesion of first place in the AFC North; a flight home that included no delay, which on Sunday night out of Vegas I'm told is rare; meeting Elie Seckbach, who is one of the funnier dudes I've met in a minute; those mostly naked Asian girls in the bathtub full of rose petals at Tao; and of course the $450 bottle of dessert wine copious amounts of cognac consumed as soon as the sun hid itself from view.

My bad if you are both awesome and missing from the list. I'm sure I'm missing plenty. What I'm not missing, though, is money. I left with $400 in my pocket and am returning with $556. And some quality terrible photos. Hat tip to my iPhone.

What are the odds that a Canadian who is in America for only two days gets a $2 bill as change only an hour or two after getting off the plane? Probably slimmer than JaMarcus Russell's waistline. JE Skeets and his $2 bill. That ought to fund The Basketball Jones for at least 30 to 45 seconds.



The Las Vegas Hilton was OK and all, but Menopause: The Musical? Hell no. Somebody's gotta take that show out back and put a bullet in its head.



I don't care if it's old news. The Bernard Pollard t-shirt is pretty awesome. Unless of course you're a Patriots fan, in which case I don't really care what you think. You had your fun. Now suffer like the rest of us.

Homeboy is a Bills fan. Not sure why he looks so disappointed. Sole possession of first place in the AFC East. Eighty-three yards and two TDs from Money Lynch. Great moustache. This guy has it made.



The Saturday panel was full. The Sunday panel included a few no-shows. Chalk that up to Vegas. It's probably a good idea to set your alarm before you go out instead of at sunrise when you're still going dark. No love lost, though. I'm just glad it wasn't me.

The second panel on Sunday was about monetizing your blog. I didn't take very good notes, so instead I just went to the money machine, where I helped myself to a few handfuls of cash. Twenty-seven bucks in maybe 30 seconds. Not bad. Lost it all on black, though. Never bet on black. Especially if you're talking about the Raiders. Lane Kiffin, it's about time you got fired.







Andrew Machado, we aren't very happy that you decided to stay in San Francisco instead of coming to Vegas. Ben Koo (aka BK aka Papoose aka the World's Greatest Chinese-Jew aka this weekend's superhero) expresses his disappointment.



Ben Koo got even more pissed when he realized that the sportsbook screwed up and gave him a ticket for New Mexico instead of Alabama. Instead of winning hundreds of dollars, he lost hundreds of dollars, all because he failed to check his ticket before he left the window. Weak sauce. Here he is immediately after realizing the error, firing up the old Interweb to see if he could learn a thing or two about New Mexico. After all, there was still a chance they could cover the spread. Or not. They lost by 42 points.



God made it up to Ben by sending Brandi to our booth. Smart money says he wasn't listening to anything she said. Like a deer in headlights. This picture doesn't do her enough justice. Brandi was money.



Pete also had some problems with his bets. He bet on Wake Forest, which covered the spread. Then he lost his winning ticket. Guys, you need to step up your game. Vegas doesn't need any more money. There are plenty of bars out there that are more deserving. Keep your tickets, keep your money. Money equals beer. Beer equals a smile on your face. It's mathematics 101.

PS: Ben's holding the losing New Mexico ticket. Even in failure, Ben smiles. I don't think that dude ever stops smiling, and after his Saturday night, he'll probably be smiling for the rest of his life. Ben, my lips are sealed (mostly).



OK, so you totally can't see it, but that's Floyd Mayweather's bodyguard wearing a Tapout t-shirt. Gotta love the fact that the world's greatest boxer has a bodyguard who reps MMA. Boxing, you are so relevant. No, seriously. Like, you're gonna totally be popular for a long time another 20 minutes. PS: I was afraid to take my camera anywhere near Mayweather and his eleventy-hundred bodyguards, but the story is worth telling anyway. Floyd got to the club (Tao in the Venetian) and literally just sat there and counted his money. Not just once. But two or three times. Took him damn near all night. Huge stacks. Huge, huge, huge stacks. Homeboy's got some coin. Yesssir.



We kicked it with Kyle Harrison at the club. He had a table with bottle service. On one side of the table was Floyd Mayweather. On the other side was this tub full of rose petals and two mostly naked Asian women (not pictured, of course; sorry, but even I have enough class to not photograph the women).



Kyle Harrison and Big Boss Man Pete at Strip Steak in Mandalay Bay.



Some of the folks at Strip Steak. From left to right, the four you can see: Enrico from The 700 Level, Diana from Yardbarker, Drew Curtis from Fark, and Brooks from SPORTSbyBROOKS.



We got reckless and ordered a $450 bottle of dessert wine. Personally I would have preferred, oh, I don't know: two lotion parties? A pair of Gucci loafers? An entire case of Hennessy? Instead we went with a single bottle of dessert wine. Maybe not the best choice. C'est la vie.



This cheeseburger was decidedly less expensive. The salty woman sorta hit on me, which was definitely creepy but not as creepy as the fact that she wasn't the oldest woman to hit on me this weekend. That award goes to the septuagenarian bridge player who grabbed me by the hand and asked me where my room was. WTF. WTF WTF WTF. Seriously... WTF.



This dude came to the booth and challenged Ben to a fat-man jumpoff. We said we'd give him a bunch of free video games if he could out-jump Ben Koo in a standing-jump contest. Of course Ben was victorious. Hell, Ben out-jumped me, I think. I'm pretty sure his addiction to Propel Fitness Water is to blame. Seriously, who brings Propel powder on a business trip and orders bottles of it by the grip? Ben Koo. The world's greatest Chinese-Jew.

Side note: That's the Editor in Chief (Adam Ostrow) of Mashable.com in the background of the first picture.





Diana assembled the football game. Which was fortunate. Because I have no patience. Can't you tell. By the fact that I write choppy sentences. I'm always ready to move on. To the next thing. Can't stand reading directions. Or building stuff.







The Bizarro World Award goes Cement Mixer Guy, who rented exhibition space at BlogWorld so he could show off his cement mixer. And hopefully get people to blog about him. And whaddyaknow, it worked.









Highway robbery: $10.95 ATM charge.